Whatever keeps you grounded
by MacyV
Summary: There were things that had to be left behind following the exposure in Seattle. Jobs, houses, pets, people.


Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Angel.

Note: English isn't my first language, so any mistakes let me know.

Zane looked down at the broken city, light was starting to come out from one of the building turned into a residence. The generator he had fix on his first week still holding on miraculously. He had to be proud of his little sister accomplishments in advocating for transgenics rights. More supplies were coming every day and the government had back off, probably afraid that all the classified missions Manticore did for them would became public.

But a small part of him resented this public knowledge of their existence. After all the years of running, of trying to have a relatively normal life, all the possibilities had disappeared with exposure. Zane had lost track of all the lies he had to tell to keep a safe life. Now his future was even more uncertain than ever before and all the things he ever conquered, had slip away.

The only reminder he had that at one point he had a good moment in his life was a photo of him and her. It was the 4th of July and Alan had invited them for the only barbecue Zane had ever been to. She was leaning against him, his arms had quickly found their way around her waist to pull her against him while he kissed her temple. Alan had decided to take their picture, commenting that such public display of affection coming from Zane was worthy of being kept for posterity. He traced her figure. Sophie wasn't like the others girls he usually hooked up. In the two and a half years she was part of his life he had change so much. At first he rarely smiled or even care about having a social life, but she made him wonder what would be like to just let go, even for a moment, of all his training.

She had to kiss him first, not being scared of his blank expression or his cold demeanour. They were at Alan's birthday dinner party and Zane had sneak out back into the yard, too many people made too much noise. She found him sitting in a made-up table of rims and wooden boards. It was probably one of the few times they were at the same height and she took advantage. He didn't kiss her back at first, being too surprise with her forwardness. But the second the surprise was over his arms were quickly finding their way around her and pulling her to him. As much as his mind told him it was a bad idea, he drove her home that night, came up when she asked him to. And when late at night she ran her hand over the side of his face with the kindest smile, he was almost scared she would see right through him. See all the things Manticore made him do and the things he had done to survive.

He never knew how, but she always had a way of breaking his shell. She would get in his personal space and eventually get him to talk. Most times he would tell an approximated lie about what was bothering him. The truth was far too cruel for her to know and dangerous for her to keep.

He wasn't the man for her and he knew it. She deserved a man that would hold her when she was sad, not keep his distance like he did. A man that didn't keep guns hidden alongside an emergency duffel bag in case of an escape. A man that at any moment could disappear from her life.

Eventually that was what happened, the Eyes Only broadcast made him leave his almost perfect life behind. He breached protocol and left a note, explain that he had to leave and for her to keep Sasha. The dog had become an identification mark and he couldn't risk it if he wanted to stay free.

The few weeks that follow Zane didn't stop moving, going from city to city just living below the essential. Most of his days were spend wondering if she hated him now or if she would still look at him in the same way that always got to him. One night he thought about making himself forget her, erase every memory he had of her. But he couldn't, she had made him feel like he belong, made him care about the future, made him love. Even if it hurt he would hold on to her memory.

"Who is she?" Max came up behind him, pointing at the photograph. Apparently all X5s had a thing for heights in time of insight.

"She's the one that kept me grounded." Zane handed it to Max. "I was on a very dark place when she showed up. Somehow things started to get easier with her around."

"Where is she?" She handed him the photo back. The girl in the photo made Max feel jealous, the smile was so genuine and she looked so happy in the man's arms, her brother's arms.

"She's in L.A. I left after that Eye's Only broadcast. I went back the day Krit told me about you, Zack and Tinga. But I couldn't stay..."

He remembered that night, he drove like crazy after Krit called. When he got to the door his grief was too much, tears rolled down his face and the courage to knock had abandoned him. But like always his loyal companion had sense him and Sophie opened the door. He couldn't look at her at first, so he concentrated on giving all of his attention to Sasha. Only after the dog calmed down, he sat next to her on the couch. She touched his cheek to wipe away the tears that started to fall again and all that came out was that his brother was dead and broke down in tears. She pulled him into a tight hug and held him until he fell asleep. When he woke up she still looked at him the same way he remembered, caring and loving. They stared at each other instead of talking all that they should. She never asked what made him leave and he never told her. But she did tell him how an old man went to see her, asking about him and saying that he was different and dangerous. The thought of Lydecker near her made Zane angry, but also made him realize she would always be in danger with him. He left the next morning saying he wasn't the man she deserved and that she would always be in danger if he stayed.

"You could still be with her..." Max tried to comfort her brother, there was so much sadness in his eyes. Sadness she knew too. There was nothing more painful that finding that person that crumbles all your walls and not being able to be with her. Logan had left a month after the siege. Everything became too much for them. His idealism and political opinions didn't sit well in a time martial law and military command ere reigning. The constant conflicts had pushed them even further apart than the virus. She never thought that something could be worse than not been able to touch, but not being able to reach an understanding and talking without arguing was.

"Don't Max… I can't bring her into this life. She'll get hurt or killed. I wouldn't forgive myself."

It was true for both of them. At that moment in time, they were better alone or with someone like them, like Krit and Syl. They didn't worry as much, because they knew they could take the same hits, talk the same codes, and endure the same pain. But for some one normal, the life in Terminal City would end up being unbearable. And part of loving somebody is to make everything for them to have a good life, even if that means being apart. Zane and Max just hoped knowing that would make thing easier.

By now she had to know what Zane was. She had seen his tattoo too many times. He wondered what she thought about him now. Most people considered them freaks, he hoped she didn't. She knew him well enough not to believe most horror stories about them. She would eventually understand some of his weird habits. But he didn't like to think about it. He wanted to remember her as the young woman that walked up to him with the brightest smile he ever seen and kiss him just because...

He would try to see her again, at least once. Even if it was just to say what he never could. That he loved her and would probably keep loving her until the mobs outside those fences would let him live.


End file.
